woooots. gave my lappie t sean for reformatting.
and im currently laptopless n my cable's off. so im here using bro's com.
sch's startin in less than a week. it's more days of work this week.
and ive gotta go abt thinkin about grp meetings for the camp.
rightts, im pretty scared to be true. shiats.
s'posed to be gettin ready for newsrm la! just wanted to transfer a song t my mp3.
dale don dale ((:
last min descision t newsrm...tot i wanted to rest. shheshh
prays hard the music wld be fucking good pls.
dont want another fucken screwed club no more.
for this hols, i swear im puttin on weight fat arms n thighs, tummy, no waist. unpretty
train train train. TONE

zubs: oh yeaa i hrd ur LOUD HIII!!!! i'll see u soon. meantime mug yes my dear.
jazz: it's no longer swollen but it still hurts. took the stud out and dripped alcohol in it. was jumpin round my room. darnshits. hah. shiokedelic tho'.
dinie: yesss naggy man. swimteam's spokesmen huhs? i wld be headin back t sch t swim this fri. not train but "swim" i hope.

[listening to: once in a lifetime]

im sucha pig i knw. knocked out at 1+ am when i woke up at 4+pm on monday. ha!
owells, was a full shift sunday aiights!
and got a call from him at 3.30am. like hellooos, i needta slp. darns
cld hear the bg music of 'once in a lifetime' playin in his car...*smile
and tt was puttin me back t slp.

rained cats and dogs. like wooohooos. one of the hangin adidas men broke. it flew down...snapped leg. gawdd..cldnt imagine if it flew into ny. -.- biz was calm heh...relaxing.
i dont knw why but i just cant stand chi-speaking durin work. like wth, cant u just speak english. it just feels so weird speakin a whole lot of chinese.
was night cashier. phews. it was smooth...
so our last few customer who came in at like 11.15-30pm were all bastards and bitches la pls
fuck. one complains bout it's only 11.26pm and we've closed our kitchen. i apologised. the girl tt was havin the main course showed me her hp, "but it's ONLY 11.26pm, and uve closed." our clck says 11.30pm. YEAA. so she said, "then wht to do, dont eat la!" another girl's from sn, she actually recognise me and asked me. embarrassed. anyhos she shld be ashamed of tt friend's of hers. urgs!
and another customer refused to pay the bill when it's time to bill out. motherfuckers! dragged till 12AM tt customers moved their asses. tt british man actually told jing and fareez off. WTF!
walked ova and gave the bill at 12am. just open and showed the bill...took his freakin card and walked off. sorry but i dont think i shld even bother bout my manners with customers like this.
signed. and everyone from wait side and the cleaners were STARING at their table. and i was just beside starrin at their table leanin against the stacked chairs. so yea when they're ready t go... took the chairs and slammed.
hell thanx for ending our day like tt la huhs.

my right upper ear's swollen. cos i pierced it a few days ago and i alwys slp on my right? goshh.
it's like so pinklish. ewwks!

kaees the song keep playin in my mind, i hum to myself durin work. shhheshhh.
it calm my nerves.
When you're near me
I close my eyes
I want to feel you by my side
When you kiss me
I close my eyes
Want you by my side

rights, it's work tonight (: agn... well cos bernie asked me to and he's also da MOD. hooorays!
smhow im enjoyin work than stayin home, like seriously. only one i miss is my dog. 12 more days t sch reopen. so not lookin fwd t that.

it's a long entry hurrs. time t get some slp.

change is wht life is about. everything happens for a reason

FOOD GLORIOUS FOOD (:

i realised how much im alwys lookin for food.
when im out with su or who...i'll alwys think of nxt meal and wht t eat.
when i reach ny. first thing i'd ask is whether i can have my orange julius. tt's be brunch.
then i'd ask if i can have my lunch.
bernie say tt i alwys eat eat eat, asked t go toilet. =x but tt's like the only stuff i need to ask permission from ehs. like i alwys tell him 'neng chi shi fu'.
im uber hungry. first thing i came home was t open the fridge.
and found like 'abacus' this traditional hakka dish. omg!!! and i knw it was my granny tt made it. like yummms! and some beehoon.
time to dig in!

[listening to: errtime - nelly f jung tru & king jacob]

[listening to: enigma - once in a life time/sarah brightman]
//Giving all I've got
Now you love me not
You're my lover once in a lifetime
Taking care of you
Everytime it's new
You know you're my once in a lifetime...


((: thesillylover

this is the week tt i worked the most. and im not gettin another shirt when some who doesnt work often have got so many!! FUCK
weather was fuckin hot. heeren outdoor was darn noisy. with starhub and this beauty thingy blasting music at the same time. madness. i just wanted to be at sentosa of dippin' in the pool at tt moment.
xl and yaohui were at heeren. goin momo in the night. im freakin tired, i need my rest.
met su at j8 t pierce my upper ear. apparently the salesgirl thr wasnt helpin. giving me this scary look before the lady pierce my ear. looked away immediately. ohthanks!
had macs for dinner. junk food. and tt woman was sick -'clubbing withdrawal syndrome'.
was craving for clam chowder but ljs was packed.
so im wishin for clam chowder for tmr's sod.
did my laundry, changed my bedsheets.
just left with the messy table and stack of notes, vacumm and mop. i'll leave tt for monday.

sheets tt i dont wish t change,
for the scent uve left.
but now, it no longer matters.
im letting it all go.

chances, chances, chances
you dont alwys get 'em.
--
beginning's boring
ending's sad
the most important part's the middle

[listening to: bad day - daniel powter]

im fucken bored! so i decided t blog.
met su for dinner aft work.
dinner at far east ramen.
dessert at j8 swensens.
at this rate tt we're meetin up, having dinners i can see why im gettin meaty.
im not exercising, work aint an exercise.
i nv liked t run. i knw im alwys sayin 'im gna swim tmr', tmr nv comes baby.
u knw u just feel tired aft days of workin and when ure not, it's time t rest. wht an excuse!
anws we had a crumble each! su had banana crumble and i had apple crumble. one crumble serves TWO.
nxt up's gotta be ben&jerrys. *grins

had some thoughts on the bus t j8, how all the 5 of us end up with only us now.
ponders. time and time agn i asked myself if ive put in effort. i guess i did. but it came t a point that u dont seem t bother. now, i dont see the pt t bother either.
saw smone whom i used t be cls to but now u seem to be yet another stranger to me.
so there, hello stranger

the text msges;
love
hurt
teared

the bro.
many said he's got a pretty face. shhheshh
he's now single girls *winks at su.

1510/aftliquid. justin.dan.chris.su.me - the supper at ms 

moms bday dinner. i look as if ive got posture prob in the second pic.
shiats. well the lady beside me's pretteh, tt's my mama (: 

work was great. but transport back was a bitch. took me like an hr and 20 mins t reach home, which was 1.50am -_- mcdin's the last, prolly 2am. wtf!
urggs. practically thrice the number of ppl to the west cans.
was night cashier. scary mary. thank god bernie was the mod. he'd actually teach me (: cant imagine if it's da mama, or who. he's nice and has got the patience. no shortage. tt was a big phews for me. my first to jaga cashier. sarah was the runner and mars was wait2. without em theres no laughters and i'll be totally bored pls.
i think at times, u really get to take initiative. not like i'm some fucking old senior, but u dont STARE at the desserts when no one's serving. take the darn thing and send it. she comes in blurrly. -_- and i was taken back when someone who said sth t bernie. he's like e manager lehs.
hao ren hao qi fu? we're all nt being mean or whts, the things tt they do are just plain selfish. RARS! bitchfit.
agreed to put myself dwn this fri night shift. so it a sure no zouk revamp party for me. i'll shall wait till nxt week. oh yeaa tahans!

passed by the bigie bike shop tt we went. *smiles.
the things tt u said..they just dont mean anything now.
he msged ytsd asking bout last sat. wht a way to start off with the msg.
dint bother replyin till ltr. was cursing inside...and only said 'tmd' t su when i sent her e msg.
like wtf!? at least a "hey..." wld be nicer. and i wasnt grinnin frm ear t ear su! pls...
but smhow, it made my heart beats faster. not the electrfying way tho'.. owells. blehs.
him my mutual friend.
smtimes i hate myself for loving him.
smtimes i dont.
smtimes i just think back and smile silly and cry.
tell me abt it.

spent some time with momsie watchin parents trap again.
mom was telling me tt my cousins had all broke up with their gfs, the 3 of em. one more's rocking. shheshh
told her bout him too and she bragged bout how long she n pops were tgt before they were married, dont knw whts up with pple these days.
it's not like we want it n like doing the brking ups, do we? urggs
met the poly friends. headed t town for swensens.
sean and i spilled water .__.
headed t some ktv at somerset...
whole load of crap n tiger beers. yikes! nv liked tiger beers.
all these late nights are killing me. gawsh

cabby uncle travelled the road that he alwys take when he sends me home
closed my eyes and hopin the uncle cld speed up.
i slept with the image of the beetle i saw him in it the night before. dint expect it.
i thought im almost over him.

happy birthday momsie (: i heart you

mutual friend
guajira

tears

i smiled as it roll down my cheeks;

remembering the first kiss

[listening to: craig david - dont love you no more (im sorry)]

dint go for cmpb appt. shiats. right i knw i wont get it smhow. -shrugs
whole body was aching when i tried t wake up. lazed in bed for a lil while,
up and met su. chris came aft..
su got nail polish n mng belt. i got none la. nth particularly caught my attn, maybe the mng top. then agn.. dont knw.
my appetite's weird these days. i just stop eatin and have cravings for food. like every min i'd think of food. rarrs. and im not full when i had my meal. tt explains my tummy.
dinner at swensens, chilled there. justin n dan joined n went off t check out indochine, some acjc party. cp came t join n had apple crumble. i think it's yummy ehs.
was havin a bad headache then...cos i need t rest n slp badly.
get t see em all ltr in the night. (:

i hate myself for loving you

[listening to: carole king - will you still love me tomorrow]
//Tonight you're mine completely
You gave your love so sweetly
Tonight the light of love is in your eyes
But will you love me tomorrow

12hrs of work kills my feeties.
zen worked full too (: there's company
jillie n su dropped by during their 5hrs break. tt's really long la.
night was madnessly busy. yikes.
not workin till nxt. wooots.
but i've gotta wake up early t go dwn to cmpb. rarrs! so much earlier than work. and ive gotta travel dwn alone this time, dads gotta go t office early. *grumbles.
it's gna be another long bus/train-rides.
wld be meetin su aft t shop. shiats i miss shopping!!! still in dilemma whether to trim my hair.

black on fri? not tempted and not wanting to. smone's buggin me to. hahs. black's boring me pls, and then he'd entertain me. lame shits. *snorts*
liquid on sat. muahahs. ((:

my hair's still wet, and im just gna slp with it. i'm deprived of slp, fuck the nightmares i had ytsd.
work does really keep ur mind off things.
at the end of the day, they'd all be back.
i dread the ride home from work;alone
everything replays.
everything.

[listening to: the oc mix4 - champagne supernova]
//Some day you will find me
Caught beneath the landslide
In a champagne supernova in the sky

happy 18th bday erica yeo ruipin. ((:
we're gna partty this sat.

work was tiring. hvnt felt so tired till today. rarrs.
12 hrs to tahans for thurs. and it's off thru out. woots.
saw mel today while i was takin order. im so sorry!! the angmoh customer was giving me tt kinda funny look. cos i was tryin to take his order n hand-signal t mel. bleahs

met su at j8 aft work. dinner at sakae. yumms. sudden crave for miso soup.
oh yes high in m.s.g, tell me bout it.
we talked. (: and laughed bout things.
and we went t take neoprints shheshh!
when su left for a bus, i just felt so alone.
and the thoughts agn, the song tt i listened umpteen times these weeks just filled my eyes with tears once agn, aft days of feeling numbed.
a beetle was parked dwnstairs. but it's a yellow one. cheys!
not a metallic blue; not his car.

[listening to: peter andre - mysterious girl]

all of u shld check out frankie j's more than words mtv. *melts (:
it's so nice... so sing t me.
mars n i was singin openly in front of the customers. who cares la.
and tt cruella came screaming n all. no one wanted to go inside coldside. everyone was running out. -_- scolded junnie in front of everyone for no reason in the end. urggs.
apparently she said tt she can sack us and can work w/o us all, n she dont care. OOOoo.. seriously just go ahead. if we've got the freakin balls to all not work when it's her bloody shift. go ahead n scream at the customers. do the one man show pls. she's nt earning respect from any of us. since she's got no respect for us, i dont think she shld be respected as well.

dan n justin was in town. met them and dragged dan dwn to j8 to acc me to get stuff and to eat dinner. HAHs. talked and all. well, so ive hrd the male perspective of stuff. yeaa i knw it smhow alrdy. tt's all i need to hear. he said we'd talk bout it. but i knw it myself tt we'll never, so we wont. owells... *shrugs* (:
results are out. just bad, passed all but stil it's bad. got a C n B for subs tt i failed for common test. rights... he was the one who kept buggin me t study.

meetin su tmr aft work ((: seen her last sat. talked to her on the phone these days. but still i miss her. opps.
and im also glad to hear wht the girls achieved. like reaaally glad. *cheers.

for him leaving seems easy but it tore me apart
he took the love he wanted and left me in misery
and it seems forever but im lettin him go..

thank you for loving me

for being my eyes

when i cldnt see

for parting my lips

when i cldnt breathe

[listening to: lonestar - amazed]

ive totally lost my voice now and i can only use my whispery voice. urgs. feelin REALLY dumb.
so i passed him the stuff i wanted to. tryin really hard to talk n he tried really hard to listen. and yea we did talk, a lil and he was goin to his friend's bdae.
so i decided t meet zen t chill aft his work. su, dan n co were goin indochine. so very last min, i was way under-dressed. voiceless n smhow im loosing the mood to act' dance in clubs. or maybe no mood to anymore in fact.
the best was him. guess tt's e time i really enjoyed.
and zen's a bad influence cos he tried to teach me how to......but i dint!

fireworks it was. they're colourful n beautiful, however within seconds they disappear.
ud feel tt it's all over tt it's gone, however ure still able to picture how it's like.
this is how it's like. the wonderful fireworks we saw tgt...
the memories tt we had and tt he gave.
the contact we had was jus by accident. just tt grip...and nth more.
i wld love to ask for more. i dint.
he said he had tried. i've tried. so are we square?
im gna move on. i will... but there's stil sth which i cant figure out why im holding back.
so maybe i shld say fuck those feelings.
ive got no hard feelings towards him or whts. im cool.
but in these short period n this r/s, it sure did made an impact for me. the cls ones wld knw.
he's still the one now no matter whteva many say.
it's all bittersweet (:

e`captures 

the gurl thang (: loves 

the groupies. 

so i worked at ny till 6.
went home changed, and decided to dine at ny for dinner. -.- was john's bday dinner btw.
felt uber bad, like they're short of staff. but apparently the whole lot cant decide where to dine.
with the milo thingy beside ny...u just wanna get ur ass dwn t anywhere.
but we're so not dressed. cos we wanted t chill.
yay balls, acid bar was packed. rarrs.
met erica at boat quay.
yikes! not a place i wld fancy and i regreted not goin blacks.
stupid tjc girl...[erica's friend ex gf] was happily dancin the sultry moves, takin up the dancefloor n liftin up her long skirt. and it's obvious tt the guy dancin with her wasnt much enjoyin la. wth. acting so 'seh' n crazy. and aft 3, they played techno!! erica n su went on. i was not in the mood to even move. dj's fucked up. playin some mly song for his ex when she's nt there la pls.
owells, for whteva shit tt happened. i stil kinda enjoyed. it's e company n being photowhores.
e peepos: erica ruiqing evan chris john su me cp blink.
photos wld be up. im just too lazy t upload...so wait.
so i was alrdy coughin and all since few days ago. and aft friday night, which i hardly drank. i lost my voice. rarr. how am i gna work tmr mans.

15 liquid, 21 zouk, 28 blacks? jol i've still gotta think bout blacks yea.
it's like a weekly thang. shiats. all the alcohol n late nights aint good....

cooookies

got woke up by su's msges. (: which all started at 2 and i dint exactly wanna wake up at tt time. cos of....shheshh.
and i was way too tired tt i fell so slpy watchin love actually. knocked out by 12.30am..
first ever in these weeks...
and i thought ive put him aside. and yet agn he was smwhere in my tots.
when he's not in my tots, i cldnt slp. i sposed tt was why i cant slp tt night

and so i decided t bake cooookies. i wanna bake cookies like famous amos!
anyone who has got their secret recipe?...
bakin cookies with mtv blasting's great (:
i dont knw why but i was smiling to myself while bakin and feeling so light.
only my dear ones get a box. it's filled with love... dya feel it.
rights... i need food.

[listening to: galang gal]

psst! i found the song i was lookin for all these while ((:
fuck em one by one galang gal, fuck em two by two galang gal...

im feelin all tired on a weekday aftnn shift. -_-
it was like a sudden big crowds.
and bernie got me t take care of a grp of 7 ah nehs.
and the bloody ah neh man has got no manners. pls... doesnt ah neh have got manners or whts?
opps..will i be sued for being racist. well apparently, they wanted 5 tiger mugs. i got it em 3 first.. but u wont expect me to hold like so many things at the same time and they wanted to order their food too. so i replied, "yes sir i'll get it for you ltr" *irritated look*. cursing n swearin inside mans. least the ladies there are nice. else.. HAHs..u'll nv knw pls.
4 wait staff seemed to be a few man show. pooey.

hr plus spent aft work was with su and she left with her parents for dinner.
and it's busride back home...(:
rarr..it's ladies'night peepos. *wink
i'm tempted too...the urge. but my brain's telling me t slp.
my last meal was at 12pm, orange julius.
i'll just eat curry maggi mee and there's love actually on starmovies ltr.
gna catch it.
chaoooos.

[listening to: frankie j - more than words]

slept till 5pm. was s'posed t swim with cp. weather was bad n i was slpy so yays. = we dint swim.
su came over to infra the pics over...and i think i knw wht t get her for her christmas pressie. transitlink bus guides (:
dinner at thomson plaza..it's been soo long tt we've been there. used to be out hangout place aft sch other than j8. the muggin sessions at old kfc.
he called while we were having dinner. and su was even more excited than i was. HAHs.. my babeh. but i dint knw wht t say and i was havin dinner so yay. he said he'll call ltr... who knws yea. that voice... *smiles inside*

more than words is all you have to do to make it real..
then u wldnt have to say tt u love me
cos i alrdy knw.

pics up at outside2 no. 297 onwards and also in da club album.

had sec' class gathering at fish n co. went toyr'us aft (: halloween's coming up...
like how many of us act' go arnd doin 'trick or treats' ?
was chilling at harry's at esplanade. and i smell as if i clubbed. the cigs...ewws. thanx to everyone there. i was so tempted too. needta fcukin destress. but hahs...nooway!
i'm still feeling warm from the many sips of beer.
tho' i was tired and quiet so cp said. but i so enjoyed the company.
will upload the pics soon.

heard "love, me" everywhere. the fountain, the liveband.
time heal all wounds they say
i just cant
im trying.
what is it about him,
mysterious..

why am i alwys the one who get all this f-up shits?
it's alwys everyone tt wld get pissed and giving me attitude and i'm taking it all by myself.
and when i've got pissed and right giving attitude..., u cant take this shit?
whts this.
i guess ive been far too nice. every single time, to everyone single one out there.
and i dont think i deserve all these.
and everything tt the other party say alwys seem to be so right that made me so wrong.
but i'm STILL taking it. dont ask me why.

[listening to: peter andre - mysterious girl]

was up before 8am feeling hungry. bought breggie, ate and lazed in bed for an hour or so.
headed to town t work. was sneezing da whole day.
2 complains for the day. -.- thank god the manager was fareez.
it's just not nice to put on a fake smile at times. well i'd 'carry' a smile then...
jil was gna start work when i was off. shopped arnd heeren for a lil while and headed t far east to get my bag (:
asked su along, apparently tt woman's lazy. well i need to shop like really badly t feel happy.
and well i'm a lil happier la.
4e2 gatherin tmrs and i'm workin till 6. shiats.. i forgot bout it. and ive gotta head dwn aft work. yikes!

and now everyone seems t be goin dwn for mafianight? the gurlfrenz arent free, and it's blacks agn. -_- im gettin sick of blacks.

i dont knw wht isit with me now
i hardly talk to my parents or anyone at home.
when i do, i get irritated.
smtimes i wonder if im myself in front of my friends.
behind this close door, i knw im different.
somehow.
he's alwys on my mind.
the tears just doesnt stop
and im tryin right here...
tell me darling true,
wht am i t you

black agn.
dint even get t rest aft work. it was work, shopped for an hr, home, changed n blacks.
dint go for the voa thingy. nvms bout tt. but i felt so bad bout the guys. =x
and are guys so undecisive?
saw jol, aud, ange. like aft soooo long. the last was at rav?

sometimes, you dont need liquor to get you high. or maybe me.
and maybe more gays dancing... wooahs! HAHs u gotta say theyre quite hot.
and this time, my dear babeh was way beyond high.
wht happened in club, stays in the club. ;)
i dint like it when he was all over me when i'm tryin t look out for babeh. -_- urggg
seeing babeh all fine agn, it was like phews. (:

seeing how mr ng and babeh dance, i wanna laugh. they look so nice tgt lah, aiyohs. and the way he moves. shhheshh.
still my baby moves the best. poooey. it's been almost a week.

and i WATCHED su dancing to the fuckin song by michael jackson. billie jean?! sup wit tt. i'm kinda gettin sick of the songs... it was billie jean and spice up ur life like agn this week.
need a new place mans.

nv drink with an empty stomach!!! madness... ((:

everything reminded me of him.